So this morning in Church my mom freaked em out by crying she and my dad had been having an argument before church that morning so I attributed her crying to that but turns out it was because she misses my Great-Grandmother that died last December. I didn't go to her funeral and felt bad about it but I was in denial and confessed being in denial but that doesn't really help. This Summer I lost My Great-Grandfather and his wife with in months of each other Him first. I didn't go to his funeral but made a point to go to hers and felt better for it. October 30th I lost my grandmother on my dads side and my grandfather was so messed up about it that he told my dad the same story 3 times almost word for word. I then went to the lockin on the 31st and cried because I was worried about my grandfather And the bible study just hit home. I was unable to attend this most recent funeral because they live in Kansas and I live in North Carolina. I have had enough death for one year I think. My old Youth pastor told me this summer he knew how I felt because he had had had his birthday one year with 4 grandparent and by the time the year was up he had no grandparents. So I guess he knows but it made me feel like I was lod=sing everything I took for granted at that upset me I hate not being in control or at least not knowing what to do what to be what to say whats going on Why my life is falling a part that feeling sucks.