This is in all seriousness, the actual show BElieVE rewritten from memory.

Well Criss starts off like he’s about to do the Tesla coil again when there’s this loud bang and sparks fly off the machine and he collapses. People rush onto the stage and wheel him away. They show his burnt and mutilated face then close up on his eye which then goes thru pulling out to show a rabbit. A rabbit, named Lucky, who leaps out of the screen and sets himself on a suitcase and speaks. “My name is Lucky, and I am speaking on the behalf of the association of rabbits exploited by magicians. Since Criss is in the ambulance I am taking over this show. Please note that smoke affects and pyrotechnics will be used during the performance but they are harmless to your health. All flash photography is strictly forbidden. That means that you cannot take pictures of Criss, me or any rabbit or hyena and I would like to remind you to turn your cell phones off”. Someone’s cell phone rings, “That means you…right now. Cirque Du Soleil cares for its animal counterparts and that no animal in the duration of this show was harmed…not even a rabbit” He then gets struck by a falling light and the homage to rabbits begins. All these people dressed up as different kinds of rabbits, normal looking and mutant begin to dance and cry over the dead rabbit’s body. The Ushers Luigi, Maestro, Slim and Lars wheel in just the muscular frame of Criss’ body. The cannibalistic rabbits rip him apart limb from limb and are soon shooed away by the ushers who put Criss back together. His muscular frame just stands there before Maestro exclaims “the machine!” They cart in this huge bizarre looking contraption that they put the body in. It’s got this giant claw that wraps around Criss and hoists him into the air. Fog blocks your view of the dummy muscle man but seconds later the fog is sucked away to reveal Criss alive and breathing in the dummy’s place (Criss looks mighty sexy in suspenders). The ushers lower him down. “Luigi, where am I?” Criss asks, “Psst, who are all those people staring at me?” He’s then dressed by the ushers and proceeds to do a few parlor tricks of making doves appear, reappear and then around 40 doves fly out of the screen as he ends the segment. He gets rid of his cloak as women dressed to represent doves are dancing around. One of them hugs him sorta from behind. He pulls his arms loose only to show he now has a pair of wing but these are bigger like a bird of prey, then levitates into the air. After coming back down he wraps his wings around one of the dove-women. The segment ends. Women with long, wide green banners run by blocking Criss from sight for a few seconds. When he comes back into view, his wings are gone and so are the dove women. It starts snowing and Grit a psychedelic bunny hands Criss this glass ball. Criss tosses it up in the air, makes it slow down as it falls and all sorts of things. The background is poppies and he comes to the edge of the stage and says, “Everyone has an inner child and some of use choose to let it free”. Before you know it, it’s raining poppies. There’s some guy on all fours in a rabbit suit hopping around and these two giant poppies being twirled about. In all the confusion Criss disappears down a trap door. This humongous poppy is slid in from the side and blooms, birthing Kayala. Criss is lifted up by a vine of sorts as Kayala dances above him. They of course fall in love and kiss and whatnot but suddenly castle walls engulf him and vines grow around him. Crimson comes right out of Criss! She then attempts to go vampire on Kayala’s ass. Kayala fights her off and Criss after being helped down from his high vine tries to smother Crimson with a big white cloth. He then, to protect her, makes Kayala vanish then goes after Crimson. She places a big red cloth over herself and when Criss pulls it off a burst of flame reveals she has turned into a red tree! Then Kayala lures Criss offstage to end the segment. The ushers come looking for Criss with really, really bright searchlights. They run into a hyena, see a rabbit riding a unicycle with a burning wheel across the tight rope above and run into a giant rabbit head. That stands up on its ears and tap dances. They look around and find a door just standing there with Criss’ symbol on it. They knock on it, go around it walk thru it then shut it as nothing happens. But suddenly there’s a knock and Criss appears as if by magic. When the audience doesn’t clap he walks to the edge of the stage and asks “Are you all still here?” The audience drones a unison “yes”. He’s then like, “its weird I get zapped with six million volts and you’re all stuck inside my head. The adverse effect though is shrinkage. Look at some of the guys in the audience they know what I mean". He then shrinks to about one fifth his actual size. Lars then picks him up; they move the door and take off into the forest. Only to be stopped by an army of giants two of which come from either side of the stage. Criss, still a tot is placed in a chair then a cloth is places over him yanked off and he’s his normal size again. Then he holds up one finger, grabs his crotch and then wipes his brow giving the thumbs up meaning everything is back to normal. He then grabs the giant’s cloaks and yanks them off to reveal moles operating them. They journey underground where everyone starts to break-dance, even Criss! The segment ends with a bow as a part of the routine. Criss then announces they will build something from season four of MindFreak. With the left over parts from the giants they build Grand Master Tronik. One of the arms resembles a worm and Slim takes it between his legs and waggles it around. “Hey wishes” Criss says laughing, “It’s like that small” he holds his thumb and index finger about four inches apart, “no, no more like” he closes the gap to an inch, “that small, I’m being generous” He reassembles a dinosaur/ dragon type monster that comes to life and Criss switches places with it in the end. He goes from fighting the dragon to becoming the guy in the dragon suit. How he did it I have no freakin’ idea! The ushers are then mad at him for tricking them. He demands their help and then seems to “jump into” the screen to look for Kayala. He walks thru the forest, and then finds himself swimming in a sea of blood then falling thru space. He lands on a road and Crimson tries to run him over. He jumps outta the screen as Crimson zooms past with Larry King in the backseat. Kayala then shows up on the side of the road in a wedding dress. Criss commands her to stay right there and that he’ll take the sewer to get to her. He pinches his nose and goes in. He comes up on the screen and a car passes Kayala making her vanish in a wisp of white smoke leaving only her white scarf. Criss picks it up. Suddenly Spanish music starts and the scarf turns red. You see ahead of him is a bull about to charge. He gets behind the cloth and as the bull charges, vanishes. He then comes up outta the sewer saying “Carrot Top you gotta awesome place down there brother” Then a breaking news story tells of how Criss is hanging by a thread because of his accident at the show. We’re supposed to be “inside his head” but it’s kinda a weird attempt. Anyway, Kayala shows up on screen and leaves behind a whit scarf again. She enters thru one door and exits thru another while wearing a wedding dress. Criss jumps into the screen after her and grabs the scarf and follows her thru the door only to come out the other side onto the stage in white instead of black which he was wearing. Then Kayala drops a red scarf and Criss ends up wearing red then blue then yellow with a purple scarf. He then switches the purple to yellow just by running a hand over it to match lol. Kayala then lures him back into the screen and he follows her to a back room where a dozen or so women are in the same dress. Criss then sits in a chair revealed from under the skirt of one who turns out to be Crimson. From this point on things get VERY racy as these Cirque de Soleil girls crawl all over his half naked body. Then they force him into a straight jacket and hang him by his ankles above the crowd to escape. He does in the time allotted. (In the first show this whole thing with the straighjacket took place righ above me)He then plummets with a triumphant yell into the audience as the lights go out and just as the audience stops screaming you hear this amused “Gotcha!” Crimson and her crew lower him down and then stuff him in this crate and chain it up. Smoke blocks your view as Crimson stands on the box, and then this wall of fire shoots up and the smoke is sucked away to show Criss on top of the box and he undoes the crate to show Crimson inside trapped in his straight jacket. I think this is what happens next Criss comes forward and announces its his second wedding. The ushers come in and their all wasted. Criss expresses his outrage at this but they all make fun of his big day. He asks the audience if they would like any champagne and orders his friends to pour some glasses give to the audience. They do it in the literal sense and throw what they have in their glasses all over the crowd. Criss apologizes and instead makes a toast to love then leaves. The ushers insist that Maestro do some magic. So he fills a glass with champagne and in the middle of pouring lets the glass go and it floats in mid air. Then Kayala, the real one, comes out in a wedding dress with the longest train I’ve ever seen. Part of it is lifted up to use as the backdrop which Criss walks down. The whole thing takes place everyone’s happy then blood starts to drip down the background canvas. Suddenly Kayala’s dress is ripped away taking Kayala’s life with it. Criss’ scream sole agonized, scream of “CRIMSON!” ends the segment. Criss cradles Kayala’s body in his arms crying silent. Suddenly Crimson appears with a horde of paparazzi. Criss pushes thru them and makes his way to her. He falls to his knees and screams again. Criss stands up and then stirs the very wind with his passion creating a wind storm. The pap dance but are eventually blown away. Criss goes back to Kayala and holds her. Maestro tries to comfort him but he’s yanked away by some unknown force. The other ushers help Criss to his feet and condole him one at a time. Lars picks up Kayala’s body and carries her away. Criss, in anguish, walks to Crimson’s castle where he’s dragged away by the crowmen. A mechanism is set up and Criss is placed on it and strapped to the table. (First one of the dolls actually has the pleasure of removing his pants). Crimson then cuts him in half with a chainsaw. Two separate sides of the machine are drawn back to opposite sides of the stage. The ushers come out each with a rose and place it on a small red patch of light for their fallen friend. Others come out cloaked in black and add their own roses. Kayala, somehow alive again, places a rose on the spot too. Then Crimson comes, spits in Kayala’s face and throws down a dead rose. A man appears behind the ushers who toss off the black vale over him and he steps forward. He takes off his hat, bows to Kayala and then steps to the edge of the stage holding his hat in front of his face. He lowers it to reveal he is the one and only Criss Angel back from the dead. He utters one simple word “Believe” then bows as the lights fade to black.