What is it that makes life so hard...when all you do is try...

Try to make it out there on your own... just trying to get a leg up but no one offers a boost....and all you can do is not to help yourself but weep at night....cause no matter how hard you try life comes crashing down...

Like i read in a poem once....what if for every happy moment there was ten moments of saddness? And what if for every time you fell in love you had to say good bye??? Thats been my life through and through... but still i pull fordward to still wallow in the same pit i was in not even five years ago...to imagine to myself that i made it out... but thats life... after you get throught the hurdles...you still have more to overcome....and you always will....

So what is enlightment???when all the hurdles just stop comming? and life finaly grants you peace???Is there such a thing in a living life?Peace?And if not is enlightment truely real??? I think not.... in think peace is what we strive for but will never get it....but however in our minds we believe it to be because thats what drives us to live each day....to live for peace....for enlightment....

But all i feel is pain...not so much for myself but for others as well....i see the people who truely have a right to give up and yet they fight and i feel for them...i feel for my boyfriend John because he can never just have a perfect day....not once....not with out something going utterly wrong....I feel through lifes ups and downs.... and how it has taken its toll on me.....i used to pray for peace and enlightment but now i know that you cant just sit and pray....you must fight for what is yours and what it is you want out of life....but sometimes....even if you fight so hard it makes you sick....life still wont give in to you.....I have come to believe that it is life that is more stubborn then even I......