I really don't know about sharing so much here but I feel I have to. Don't read this if you don't want to know about my issues.

I think everybody knows about my being jobless, well there are a few more things that are going on. For one, I am an emotional eater and this almost cost me my job if I ever got caught, I didn't but I still carry the guilt. I am also bipolar and have at least two phobias which haven't been helped by exposure so I am doing my best to learn self-hypnosis. Currently, the only way I can get help is by joining online support groups. I have found at least one great one, DailyStrength.org, it's free and you can get help for any problem, you can create goals and track them. I have only been there for a short time, and I think it helps. It is much better than going it alone, which I feel because I don't have friends who live nearby, who I can count on. And going to therapy in town would be hard, since the nearest bus stop is 3 miles away and the buses do tend to break down. It's very hard dealing with these feelings especially since I de feel alone from time to time. I want friends but where are they? I wouldn't mind more people to talk to on the phone but I don't want to add to my mom's phone bill (AT&T, need I say more?) I don't want to give out too much, but one of my phobias deals with learning to drive. I don't want to give out the other one but I do need help with it as well. Right now, I am feeling pretty numb, and unsure about what to do next. There are some places for me to apply at but they're fast food and I am still dealing with emotional eating problems and trying to lose weight. That'd be like someone who needs to get sober trying to get work as a bartender. My bipolar disorder, I can manage that as long as I can meditate for one hour a day. But with ten cats, that is near impossible. I can't help but feel stuck sometimes, even though I am doing my best to heal emotionally and mentally. It's still hard because I want to LIVE without having to depend on others to take me to the movies, the park or local botanical gardens. And so I am confined to this two bedroom, two bath trailer because I have nobody really to hang out with. All I have around me are reminders that I am in a place I don't want to be in anymore. I truly hope I haven't lost anybody's respect for this. The only thing I don't know is how much longer is my life going to be like this? I can't take it yet I can't do anything to hurry things up either.